I've debated putting this up for a while- almost 2 months now seeing as my journal entry is dated "3-23-11" Does anyone else struggle with this? Would anyone else even care to read this? Is it safe for me to post this? After talking to my mom yesterday and praying over this, I discovered that no matter who you are or what you do in life, a lot of us question "What do I do next?" "What do I do now?" "Is this forever?" Please, read the whole thing because if you don't you might misunderstand. So, here we go, a peak into my mind and my heart and something the Father showed me- gloriously freeing and terrifying at the same time because it demands more trust...
I learned something today. It really sank it. My whole life, well since the age of about 13, I have known that I was going to do some kind of work for the Father. A few years later, I knew it was going to be overseas- at least for part of my life- and this is what I based everything else off of in my life- who I dated, where I went to school, what I studied, what I did with my summers and breaks, what I talked about. Passion for overseas work coursed through me. My identity began to be wrapped up in what I was doing or what I was going to do for the Father and I didn't even know it.
But don't we all do this? Wrap our identity up in what we do? It's the American way, is it not? "What did you do today?" Hi, my name is ________, I am a banker, lawyer, teacher, pastor, student. My major is education, biology, religion, fill in the blank. This is how we introduce ourselves because this is who we think we are.
Am I still passionate about declaring His name among the nations, about living for Him in another culture? Absolutely. Truth be told, I think every believer is supposed to do this, but that's another story... Up until now I would have told you it was my "calling" but now I feel like He has shown me something. My "calling" is so much bigger than that. My "calling" is to follow Him- to chase hard after Him with everything I have, with all I am. My calling is to be His disciple. That is the constant. HE is the constant. NOT what I DO for Him, but what HE is doing in me.
I mentioned earlier that I think every believer is to make Him known. I still do believe this, so I'm not saying that He has excused me from doing this. Rather, He invites us to chase after Him so that this is the outpouring, the overflowing of our relationship with Him wherever we are.
Right now He has given me a task to live in South Asia as a representative for an NGO. But this task will not be forever. He will guide and lead me in His timing what to do next in His timing (which is almost always later than my time, ha).
What I'm saying is this:
- My identity is in JC. My calling is to chase hard after Him with all that I have and be swept up in all that He is. This is constant to matter where I am or what task I'm doing for Him.
- My task- right now- is to make Him known through my work here. The task is always changing. It will always be to make Him known, but the means by which I make Him known will change as He moves me. He is not stagnant and if I am being made into His image and am serving Him, why should I be? I might live the rest of my life overseas or I might work behind a desk in American somewhere. I can tell you which one I think I would prefer, but that doesn't matter. What matters is if I never leave American again after July, if I never use my BA in Photography, if I never get married and have kids, I will be ok. I will not be a failure for not accomplishing what I thought I've been striving for all of these years. Why? Because those things are not where my identity lies. Those are tasks He may or may not lead me to to glorify Him and I choose to glorify Him in whatever task He gives.
And the beauty of all of this is that in a lot of tasks, it doesn't have to be one or the other! Who says I have to stick to one thing for the next 50 years (not that it's a bad thing if you do, but I think most of us are always changing!) If I stay at home, it does not mean it will be for the rest of my life. If I move overseas it does not mean it will be for the rest of my life. I'm tired of trying to plan the rest of my life without all of the pieces. He will do it so much better than I could ever imagine! So I will be still, listen to His voice. I will go where He tells me to go, all the while chasing hard after Him and telling everyone I can about the life He brings. Freedom. Scary because my system for judging is something or someone was going to be in my life is gone, but freeing because I no longer have to do that. Abraham did not saty in one place and neither will I. Let us surrender to Him, not to an assignment!
What Beth Moore has to say about it:
"In our human need for security and sameness, we tend to want one job assignment from G0d that we can do for the rest of our lives. He's far more creative than that! You may ask 'Isn't it possible for G0d to assign a lifelong task such as preaching at one church for 40 years?' Absolutely! But we are wise not to make assumptions by surrendering to the assignment. Our calling is to surrender to G0d."
"G0d soon made it very clear that my calling was to surrender my life every single day to His will, to be His woman, and to do what He asked, whatever that was."
"I believe He didn't want it to matter to me one iota whether He asked me to teach the word of G0d to a hundred people or to rock one baby in the nursery. My calling was to be abandoned to Him."
Be clear, the task is still laid out from the Father. He still gives guidance and direction, but our identity is found in HIM, not the the task He gives us to do.
May all praise, glory and honor be given to Him forever more. He is our portion. He is our everything.
No comments:
Post a Comment