One month. Well, less than one month really. I feel like I've been saying "one month" forever now- on June 5th it was one month until I leave the city I've called home since January. On June 7th it was exactly 4 weeks until I leave the city. On the 9th it was one month until I'll be on a plane back to America. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks until that day. It all blows my mind, it's so surreal. For the past 6 months my life has been here, my friends have been here, my work has been here. This has become home, but not really. Like a fuex-home that tries to mask the real one so I can't remember it anymore- makes it a distant memory. (Really, who am I kidding because my real "home" isn't anywhere on this earth anyway, but...) Mixed emotions. I think I'm ready to go home, even though I have no game plan. I have ideas, but nothing concrete. Good thing I'm not the one in control here, although I like to pretend I am sometimes.
You may or may not know I'm external processor, so I'm really not sure how this whole reverse culture shock thing is gunna go. Some of you close to me may get some phone calls, lol. That or my journal is gunna blow up like never before. Yes, I've been out of the US before. I've even been to this country before, but it was such a VASTLY different experience and I've been here for so much longer, that I have no idea what to expect. I don't hate it here. I've had moments where I've cried in autos or been scared, tired, frustrated, angry, homesick, numb. But I have an affection for these people and this place that is from the Father and I will be sad to leave. Part of my heart will be here when I leave.
I know that when I get home things will have changed- friends have gotten married, some have had babies or are now pregnant, one friend is no longer living, I'm sure something has changed building-wise in Birmingham, etc. I'm ready for the change I will see, I think. Maybe I'm not. I don't know. I guess we'll find out July 9th. Wow, that's so soon.
If I've learned anything in the past 5 (soon to be 6) months is that my Father is constant. It's beautifully intimate that every experience I have, I have with Him. I share it all with Him. He knows me. He didn't just create me, He knows my every thought- one's I've had and am having and will have. Going home in t-minus 1 month will be no different. He will be with me through it all- saying good byes here, flight after flight, airport arrival, walking into my house, seeing friends and family and familiar areas that have felt like a dream for now for so long, post-processing, job searching, and so much more.
So, bring it. But not yet. I still have a month to live here before I go home and I want to make the most out of it. I want to live with everything I've got. Not by my own strength. I will fail and be exhausted. No, I need His strength. A friend of mine who is also leaving the same day as me said she felt like a senior in high school again. You know, fighting to not check out. We're both trying to finish well. It'd be super easy to coast by and let flesh take over and become lazy- especially since it's so stinkin hot here. BUT He has made us sufficient. He is sufficient. He sustains. I love that in my post-processing, no matter what fruit I see when I reflect, I will praise Him for all He's done in and through me- even if it was just sustaining me.
28 days. 28 days to live sacrificially. To pour out my heart before the king, to offer myself to be used for His glory here in South Asia. Fill me with a sense of urgency, a burden and a passion to sacrificially pour out all that you pour into me, my king.
You may or may not know I'm external processor, so I'm really not sure how this whole reverse culture shock thing is gunna go. Some of you close to me may get some phone calls, lol. That or my journal is gunna blow up like never before. Yes, I've been out of the US before. I've even been to this country before, but it was such a VASTLY different experience and I've been here for so much longer, that I have no idea what to expect. I don't hate it here. I've had moments where I've cried in autos or been scared, tired, frustrated, angry, homesick, numb. But I have an affection for these people and this place that is from the Father and I will be sad to leave. Part of my heart will be here when I leave.
I know that when I get home things will have changed- friends have gotten married, some have had babies or are now pregnant, one friend is no longer living, I'm sure something has changed building-wise in Birmingham, etc. I'm ready for the change I will see, I think. Maybe I'm not. I don't know. I guess we'll find out July 9th. Wow, that's so soon.
If I've learned anything in the past 5 (soon to be 6) months is that my Father is constant. It's beautifully intimate that every experience I have, I have with Him. I share it all with Him. He knows me. He didn't just create me, He knows my every thought- one's I've had and am having and will have. Going home in t-minus 1 month will be no different. He will be with me through it all- saying good byes here, flight after flight, airport arrival, walking into my house, seeing friends and family and familiar areas that have felt like a dream for now for so long, post-processing, job searching, and so much more.
So, bring it. But not yet. I still have a month to live here before I go home and I want to make the most out of it. I want to live with everything I've got. Not by my own strength. I will fail and be exhausted. No, I need His strength. A friend of mine who is also leaving the same day as me said she felt like a senior in high school again. You know, fighting to not check out. We're both trying to finish well. It'd be super easy to coast by and let flesh take over and become lazy- especially since it's so stinkin hot here. BUT He has made us sufficient. He is sufficient. He sustains. I love that in my post-processing, no matter what fruit I see when I reflect, I will praise Him for all He's done in and through me- even if it was just sustaining me.
28 days. 28 days to live sacrificially. To pour out my heart before the king, to offer myself to be used for His glory here in South Asia. Fill me with a sense of urgency, a burden and a passion to sacrificially pour out all that you pour into me, my king.
