Overwhelmed

"I can't do this, Father. I can't do it. I can't do it. Someone else will be better." 

These words have been echoing in my mind lately when I think of all June holds for me. Who am I kidding, these words have been echoing in my mind even before I came here. But as June approaches, the voice gets louder. It's one thing to admit that I have nothing which qualifies me as an educator or to be seen as someone who knows what she is doing concerning education and so think to myself "I can't do this." Maybe because I think it's a given; of course I can't, so He can. Maybe I have more grace for myself in that situation. 

But when it's something I'm supposed to know how to do, something I worked four years in college towards earning a degree for, something I'm supposed to be good at- it scares me. Because what if I'm not? In June I will be traveling (provided the Father gives me someone to travel with...) for a couple of weeks to meet people in villages, to live life with them for a few days and to tell their stories- all for His glory. It's what I've always wanted to do. The problem is, I've never actually done it and it scares me. "What if I do it wrong? What if I don't get all that we need?" These thoughts and a million others race through my head. So many other people are better qualified, are better photographers, would know what they are doing. I have a degree, but I've never done this before...

As I wrote this out in my journal earlier, I cried out the Father to remind me with His still, small voice that He is with me and He reminded me of what He showed me in His word two nights before I came here:

"Such is the confidence that we have through ChrIst toward G0d. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from G0d, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."  2 Corn 3:4-6

And what He reminded me of shortly after coming here:

"Now may the G0d of peace who brought back again our L0rD J, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through JC, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen."

 Heb 13:20-21

I'm not sufficient or competent, but He will use me. That's the point, really. (How quickly I forget.) So that He may receive all glory due His name- not me. May His power be perfected in my weaknesses, for His glory. Part of me is still a bit overwhelmed and nervous, to be honest. But I'm asking Him to penetrate my heart with these truths and thanking Him for how even this fear is being used for His glory, because it is reminding me of how desperately I need Him and that I live for His approval, not for man's- not even mine.